A dear friend was visiting me at my Santa Monica apartment early summer of 2019. We were each working through massive life upheavals and being of great support to each other. Toward the end of her stay she mentioned this Nonviolent Communication thing she’d heard of, and its emphasis on feelings and needs. It registered, and her enthusiasm was palpable, but I didn’t think about it or act on it. A couple weeks later Cozcacuazicatl and I were driving on a Thursday evening without plans when she offered, “Hmmmm, there’s this Meetup tonight about better intimacy called Nonviolent Communication. Sounds interesting.”

“I just heard of that recently. Let’s go,” I replied.

Little did I know just how much my life would be revolutionized by this marvelous modality. Actually, at its core, NVC (Nonviolent Communication) is an entire orientation toward life. A means to expand consciousness, with a great by-product of improved relationships.

As a devout communication student of over two decades, I fancied myself very well versed in connection, listening, and mediation. I had (and have) so much to learn (always love any chance for more humility). From that first meeting, the former and I were hooked. The systematic application of identifying and expressing feelings and needs was revolutionary. I wish I’d learned this ages ago! 

We met with the group weekly for a couple years, until switching to monthly (which is still going regularly). Words can hardly express the levels of intimacy, vulnerability, and depth we share. There’s an authenticity formed with NVC that I didn’t even know was possible, until experiencing it for myself.

Studying and practicing NVC is both inside-out and outside-in relationship work. Applying the simple techniques – awarenesses, to be more precise – with consistent practice yields great results. I had heard of, and very much resonated with, the concept of walking a mile in someone’s shoes. NVC provides a step-by-step (pun intended) framework for doing that. The results are nothing less than staggering.

From de-escalating conflict to spiritual connection, NVC has much to offer.